Yay Friday and Derby!

Yup that right I play Roller Derby or at least I try.  I have my first game tomorrow.  After a long two years and a broken leg I am finally going to play.  I'm excited.  I hope I don't die yet I think I'll be ok.  I have a lot to learn but I'm getting there.  If you are curious about derby the Big O tournament is all weekend.  You can live stream those games.

No new developments in my world.  Still smiling.  Still ready to jump ship.

Can't stop Smiling

For a long time now I have been unhappy.  I felt like I forgot how to smile and laugh.  I'd cry on Sunday nights because work started the next day.  Crazy thing is that work itself is not terrible.  Its a job.  Its a safe environment.  The paycheck is always there.  Insurance though not the best I've seen was good.  But over time it seemed like the company I joined.  The one who cared about its employees and helped them balance their lives disappeared.  I asked a Director how she balanced work and life in hopes of help.  Her reply?  "Hire someone to take care of the life stuff"  So work/life balance had become I work and hire someone else to live my life.  This didn't work for me.  My kids need me.  My pocketbook can't afford to hire someone to live my life.  No longer did I feel appreciated.  I felt replaceable.  Just a number and one they would be all to happy to get rid of.  If it was just me I could have believed it was me.  I searched for signs that perhaps I was the problem.  But it seems to be a common feeling these days at the company.  And perhaps not everyone is unhappy but I can't seem to find the happy people.  I could have used them to try to bounce back from the funk.  People leave and are not replaced.  Employees are working the job of 3 or even 5 people.  Everyone is stressed and there doesn't seem to be a plan (or not one they are sharing).  We can't see the light.  But today I was smiling.  I laughed.  I kept thinking that at least I had a light at the end of the tunnel.  I don't know where it leads but for the first time in a long time I'm excited.  I don't mind I'm ignored.  I don't mind anything.  Come June I will be free.  I realize the grass is not always greener.  I fear that I might be making the wrong choice.  But then I think about how I smiled all day. How I feel a weight has been lifted with this choice.

No Turning Back

Today I took the first big step towards my corporate escape.  There is no turning back from here.  I told daycare that I would not be needing childcare after May 31st.  The kids are paid for through the 31st so they might as well stay.  I was terrified to tell them.  I almost cried as they congratulated me on being a Stay at Home Mom.  They were excited for me.  I was nervous.  I haven't been without a job since I was a teenager.  Yes back then it was part-time summer work  but to not have the security of my own income is scary.  Granted come summer it wouldn't have been enough to even pay for summer camp for the girls so I'm not sure you could call it an income.

So what now you wonder?  Well me too.  I guess find some recipes, or make a schedule to start our days out with.  I don't know.  I think what I really want to do is bake some chocolate cake.  But forcing the girls to shower tonight is probably a better plan.

The Beginning or the End

Dear New Readers,
Hello, I'm not sure how this will all go.  I am working my way through many new things.  Currently I have 25.5 work days until I leave my corporate job.  I'd like to think I'll find my way and create a new life.  One that I am content in or even excited to live day to day.  Perhaps it will be with my new adventure of staying home with my girls and woodworking for a few extra dollars.  Or maybe I will return to the corporate world.  But at the moment I want to be far far away from the office.  I want to spend time with the kids and try to make my way.  Depending on the direction this all goes will dictate the direction the blog goes.  So things I'm feeling...Terrified...Excited...Like a weight has been lifted with this decision.

Things I will be working on in my life

1. Budgeting
2. Cooking
3. Woodworking
4. House projects (which is a growing list in my head)
5. Quality time with the kids (two girls who will be 7 and 8 soon)
6. Figure out how to do this blog thing (I'd like to add a tab for the kids to write or whatever)

This Blog will be my documentation of my progress.  My learning. My growth.

Come back and see how I'm doing.  Life may get in the way.  But the beginning of June hopefully will open the door to giving me the breathing room to fly.  Or I'll be so crazy busy I wont be able to sit.  Or hopefully both.  

Anyone else out there jump ship?  

Ok off to research, make lists, and prepare.